The Social Structure of Facebook

I just finished watching Salt. It's pretty good, especially that twist at the end.

Wow. It's really, really weird to be speaking in first person, rather than the popular Facebook third person. Normally a post like this would be filled with personal pronouns and well, frankly it still is. It's just that I'm using the gender-neutral 'I' and not 'he' or 'she' (not that I use both of these. Just one suffices for myself).

Speaking of Facebook, it has several 'classes'

1. THE SOCIALLY INEPT
   Whether these people try to or not, they just can't seem to make friends. Not even on Facebook. In fact, their own parents have blocked them.
2. THE RECLUSE
   Once upon a time these people had friends. However, they have now been 'enlightened' and have unfriended everyone in an attempt to put Facebook out of business by taking up a ton of server space. Alternatively, they hate all of the game/application requests they get and so have unfriended all former friends to avoid receiving any more. Or they just hate people. Which totally defeats the purpose of having a Facebook, you know?
3. THE TECHNOLOGICALLY INEPT
   These people just don't know what they're doing. They send friend requests to the wrong people and NEVER get accepted. However, they do have some smart friends who've friended themselves to them.
4. THE OVERLY PRIVACY CONSCIOUS
   Privacy ranks number one to them. If they could, they'd set their friends' privacy levels to 'friends only'. Actually, they have. Whenever you accidentally leave your Facebook account logged in on their computer, THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. On the upside, they don't send you those pesky application requests (they don't want to give Facebook any information on what they like). This condition may be caused by stalkers, a history of unwanted friend requests and/or them nor telling their parents that they have a Facebook. If irritation occurs please discontinue use and consult a physician or specialist.
5. THE PRIVACY CONSCIOUS
   They've got fairly high levels of privacy. They don't try to change their friends' settings though and they do play games. However, they wish that there was a setting to allow only friends to send friend requests (obviously these people wear the pants in the relationship).
6. THE NORMAL PEOPLE
   Eh. They're normal.
   (How boring XD)
7. THE FRIENDERS
   These people want friends. BADLY. They prowl Omegle searching for those non-American users that want to improve their English and then friend them. Eventually we'll all be one great big Facebook family thanks to them (unless it's happened already).
8. THE SPAMMERS
   They spam people. Sure, what they're saying is relevant. But when you comment on something FIFTY TIMES WITHOUT ANY OTHER COMMENTS you've really got too much time on your hands.
9. THE MEGA-SPAMMERS
   These people are a combination of the Frienders and the Spammers. They really have no life. I mean, they spam EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR FRIENDS with at least semi-pertinent information. I wish I had enough free time to be in this class. Not that I friend random people. Not at all.
10. THE STALKERS
    They're stalkers. Not much else to say. They've got many friends that they watch in general but a select group that they REALLY stalk closely. This includes friending the stalkees on Facebook and then dedicating their newsfeed to them alone, following them on Google Buzz and in real life, looking up satellite photos of their
11. THE FACEBOOKAHOLICS
    They substitute Facebook for life. Taking Facebook from them would be like unhooking their parenteral nutrition IV. They're like the OMIGAWD class but not so bad...they're not so self-centered.
12. THE OMIGAWD I NEED ATTENTION AND I NEED IT NOW HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP IGNORING ME PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-ERS
    Yes, I know exclamation marks are overrated but they're necessary in this case. These people have no concept of the word 'privacy'. They post anything and everything on facebook in an attempt to get more attention (i.e. 'I'm going to the bathroom. brb', 'I'm changing out of my nightclothes now', etcetera). The unfortunate thing about this class is that they expect you to comment on every post too. They'll go post on your wall if you don't ask about what their post says (because they just want to explain their self-explanatory posts to you). For example, if you don't ask what they're doing in the bathroom, not only are you respecting their privacy ad giving them room in addition to not being socially awkward, you're offending them as well.
13. THE GAMERS
    So far we've only covered the socially related classes. There remain still the gamer classes. I really don't game that much (alright the first thing I do is go to my games. So sue me. Not really) so I think I'll have Sun Spot (he knows more about this) make his own post with the gamer classes. Or summat. idk.
14. THE ASIAN X CLASS
    And then you have me. We/I are/am a conglomeration of all of these classes. But not so much the OMIGAWD class. Well, I guess kinda a little, yeah, but as I said, we're a conglomeration. We ~half fit into every class. Yes, thirteen halves make a whole XD
    But we are the most awesome class. Just btw.

Now that we've established these classes, which do you fall into? If you're not sure, we'll have a quiz that will decide for you! And no, I will not rig it so that everyone ends up as a stalker (or will I? >:D)

Yes, I realize we don't have that quiz now. But we will have it at some later undisclosed date :D

-[Asian X], procrastinating yet again